Effects on women

When women are trapped in an abusive church the effects are profound and deep. Single women may never marry since they can never quite measure up to the leader's expectations. This, plus the general immaturity of many single men who are kept in a dependent state by the pastor or elders gives them very little choice in a spouse. Both single and married women are told to submit without question to their husbands, the leadership, and sometimes to men in general. Cults generally have a strict "chain of command theology." God is the head, then the pastor who is God's anointed under shepherd, then the husband, then women, followed by children, who are to be totally obedient and submissive.

Women are generally told that their place is in the home, that their identity is found in being a wife and mother only, that they are to be keepers at home primarily except when there is an emergency that the leader deems proper. In some groups there is no excuse for working outside the home, even if financial ruin is the option. Some churches preach a code of dress much like Amish or Mennonites as the only type of dress a truly spiritual woman would ever wear. Wanting makeup, stylish dress, jewelry, etc. are signs of worldliness, and are condemned. Women are good for marriage, sex - whatever type of sex her husband demands or the leader teaches is proper - motherhood, and not much else.

Women are kept from any meaningful ministry in the church. They are to be quiet, reserved, and even totally silent. The man is the head in all things, and his wife is to be subject to him. Single women, too, are to be subject to men, especially the leadership. A single woman is considered an oddity since marriage is the natural state of all women.

Spirituality is measured by dress style and length. Pants suits, slacks, etc. are sinful in some churches, since they are men's clothing. Some cults demand long dresses only, much like the Muslim Fundamentalists. Indeed, there is much similarity between cultic teaching on women and radical Muslim teaching. Anything that flatters a woman's figure in any way is considered sinful, as if Satan was the creator of a woman's shape and not God.

All this, plus much more that many others could add leads to many ills. Women become unnaturally reserved, not expressing their individual personalities as God gave them. Women slow down or stop developing as independent persons who bear the image of God. Rather than growing toward a full maturity and individuality in Christ, women in cults are told any identity apart from men is sinful. An unnatural dependence on men and husbands is the result of this false teaching.

Instead of expressing the individual tastes and personalities that God gives to everyone, women in cults end up looking the same, acting the same, having the same interests, wearing the same type of clothing, hair styles, and lack those womanly things that make women's femininity beautiful. A false femininity is preached which is identified as submission, housekeeping, mothering, and in some cults natural foods only, making one's own clothing only, home schooling only, raising one's own food only, and many other "back to earth" teachings as tests of spirituality.
Please understand that these things are not wrong as preferences, but they do not make anyone more or less spiritual than anyone else; they are just preferences. When they become marks of following Christ and being holy, they become abusive.

Women raised in cults may never know that there is anything outside of what they know to be "God's way," which is really the leader's way and not God's. They view other Christians as worldly and sinful compromisers, but fail to have a positive concept of following Jesus' love and grace. Rather, spirituality is that "we are not like them," just like the Pharisees.